Why do I not feel fulfilled? I have a job. It’s a decent job with decent pay and I have time to work on my passions such as this blog, the YouTube channel, and Hack + Tee. I have amazing friends that tell me So why do I feel this way?
Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs states that at our core, we need air, food, water, and shelter to meet our most basic needs. My parents provide that so that’s something I’m not worried about. The next level is safety and I feel that I meet most of those requirements. I have a job, I don’t feel like I’m in danger, and despite my weight, I’m pretty healthy. So I’m pretty positive I meet the safety needs. Maybe it’s the middle tier of love and belonging.There are times where I feel like I feel like I don’t belong or even fit in with my family or friends. Sometimes, I feel like an oddball. I think that plays a part in this feeling that I have but I know it’s something more. Maybe it’s the fourth level of esteem. That would make a lot of sense. I have struggled with self-esteem issues for as long as I can remember. I also struggle with self-respect and self-love as well. I am able to give SO many people respect and love that they don’t deserve yet when it comes to giving myself all of those things, I fall short. On the bright side, I feel as though I am doing a lot better in that area since I given myself a social media and social life break. It’s not where it needs to be but it has definitely improved. I know I have some steps to take to the get to the level of self-actualization but I feel as if Maslow missed a key level in his hierarchy: self-awareness. Maybe that would fall under esteem but I think the world would be fifteen times better if people where actually more aware of themselves as opposed to other people and their business. However, that still doesn’t answer my question of why do I feel this way.
I think I have a possible answer. There is a disconnect in my head between where I am at right now and where I want to be. Right now, I’m at a place where I am not necessarily doing the things I want to or working in the industry that I want to work in but I’m actively taking the steps to get there. I want to be in a creative space where I enjoy what I’m doing and won’t find every excuse to go into work. Is that too much to ask? Really...am I asking for too much? Also I think that I am feeling this way because I lack patience for myself. Again, I could give everybody else a WORLD of patience when that don’t deserve it nor do they need patience from me but let me not achieve a deadline I set for myself...all hell breaks loose. I think that’s what it is at its core.
I don’t have patience for myself.
If anybody knows how to practice patience for yourself, let ya girl know because I need it.
Song of the Week
Hello Happiness by Chaka Khan
Also did y’all know that Chaka Khan released a song in the year of our Lord 2019?
It’s a bop too!